If my life can turn around, so can yours - a conversation with Ben Fuller

After struggling with addictions for 14 years, Ben Fuller experienced a radical life transformation when he was invited to church and heard worship music for the first time. Tune in to learn how Ben found out a friend had secretly been praying for him his whole life, find encouragement for those who love someone struggling with addiction, and learn how God is restoring Ben’s relationship with his family.

View this video with Ben Fuller, and other interviews with JOY FM artists videos on the JOY FM YouTube Channel.

Read This Conversation with Ben Fuller:

Sandi:
I’ve seen you perform a few times, but this is our first chance to really connect and chat, and from what I understand, you have had a radical transformation of life. It’s not like you just changed career paths and you’re now in Christian music and you used to do something else, but I mean, your music now is a result of what God has just come in and completely changed your life. Can you paint a little bit of the before and what happened picture?

Ben Fuller:
Yeah, you bet. So I grew up on a dairy farm in Southern Vermont, and so Vermont, what I didn’t know at the time was 2% Christian. And so I only went to church for funerals and weddings, and Jesus was just a swear word, honestly, in my mouth, and I realized that what I… What you don’t know, you don’t know. And so as you grow up and you weren’t learning these things, you weren’t hearing anything different, you don’t learn it. And so I had never heard the gospel. Had a tough relationship with my father, and he was just a worker, and I was the only son. And so living with him and my mom and my sister, I was just… A lot was expected of me. So I learned just hard work from a really young age, and I turned to… I struggled so much.
16 years old, I wanted to die. I mean, I had a terrible… I didn’t think anybody loved me. I had it all together on the outside, and on the inside I was just empty. That turned into a 14 and a half year cocaine, alcohol, sleeping around, just this addictions that I couldn’t break and that I thought I would find comfort in, and that turned out to just be empty void after void after void. And so I moved to Nashville in 2018 with all those addictions, and I got invited to church after a year of being there, so the fall of 2019. And wow, I can’t tell you. I think as living a life of an addict, I had never been more high in my entire life standing in the aisle hearing worship for the first time and wondering what all this was, but knowing this is what I’d been looking for.
This is exactly what I wanted. This is exactly what I had been needing. And so I just was like, “God, if you’re real, I give it all. If you are who they say you are, take it. Help me. Help me. Fix me. Change me.” And he did. And so it’s just crazy. So yeah, I’m a little over four and a half years clean and sober and celibate in Jesus’ name. And I’ve just watched him kick doors open and bring people into my life that have just done nothing but point me to the cross and remind me that I am a child of the most high God. And so it’s all… The Bible says, “It’s more than you can ask, think, or imagine,” and it’s like, I’m actually seeing this happen in real life. So yeah, now it’s all about Jesus for me.

Nick:
Clearly God had a plan for you in getting you into Nashville so that you could go to that church, but what took you to Nashville? Because you said you went there with all of your addictions and all that. So were you chasing a career in music or?

Ben Fuller:
Yeah. It’s funny because I’ve always… Just I’ve grown up with Vince Gill and Steve Wariner and Brooks & Dunn and Carrie Underwood and all these… So it’s like just listening to all this, hearing it and singing it and wanting to be it and sing along with the radio, it was awesome. And so I started… I got a few gigs in Vermont and New Hampshire, and I had picked up guitar in college and people were like, “You should go to Nashville. You could make it. You could do it. You’ve got the voice, you could do it.”
And so yeah, selfishly, I honestly kind of, in spite of everyone telling me to go, it just got under my skin. And they were like, “Go, go, go.” And so finally I was like, “You know what guys? I’m going.” And I moved. And the crazy thing is I sold my house in the fall… Just before the fall of 2018, I sold my house and my house sold in one day, and the woman that bought it was from Nashville, Tennessee. And so it’s like she was a traveling nurse just wanting a house in Vermont. And anyway, I was just like, “Is this really…” But at the time I was like, “Oh, what a coincidence. That’s funny.” So yeah, there’s a lot of little God winks in there that he was just like, “Yeah, okay, this is the right… This is what I want you to do.”

Sandi:
So clearly you go to Nashville for country music, you find Jesus. Were you aware that there was such a thing as Christian music? Or what exposure had you had to Christian music and what did that transition look like, that maybe there was a lane for you here in Christian music?

Ben Fuller:
I used to drive around and… I used to drive around and listen rock music and have no idea. And I remember, it’s crazy, in some of my deepest, darkest moments when I was cutting, when I was using, when I was drinking, I was listening to P.O.D. and 12 Stones and some of these bands, and I had no idea that he was with me at some of the darkest, deepest hurting moments of my life. I look back now and go, “What? You were right there.” He was right with me the whole entire time. It blows my mind. Just from a young… It’s like, “What?” And so I still can’t fathom that he’s been with me the entire journey, and I just needed to just realize that it was him. I just needed to open my eyes just a little bit more to realize, “Oh my gosh, there you are.” So yeah, it’s crazy.

Nick:
Similar to that a little bit, I’m curious, you walked into church in 2018 and it was life-changing, but were there seeds planted along the way or are there people in your life that you knew had been praying for you throughout or where did that come from?

Ben Fuller:
Yeah, so my best friend I worked for… I was a stonemason and I went to college for landscape design and just love tree planting and working hard. And anyway, my best friend, who now owns the landscape company I worked for 15 years, was a believer the whole time and was praying for me as I was right alongside him. And he didn’t tell me, I had no idea. And I’d show up to work, hung over and tell him stories, and just my language was foul and all this stuff, and Paul loved me. His name’s Paul. Paul loved me just the way that Jesus would have. And he prayed secretly for me. And he was at my baptism at Church of the City in Franklin on November 10th in 2019. He showed up there and met me with a towel and he just said, “I’ve been…” He whispered, he said, “I’ve been praying for you your whole life.” Could you believe it?

Nick:
That’s so cool.

Sandi:
Well, when you said a second ago that God had been with you all along, for me and probably a lot of other people who are praying for someone that seems distant from God, what a reminder that God is pursuing, right? We don’t just find him. He’s been absent and then all of a sudden we find him. He is with, he’s alongside, he’s wooing, he’s pursuing people. Is there anything else you would say… That’s so hopeful for me. Is there anything else you would say to maybe a mom or a relative of either an addict or someone who seems far from God? What if the truth is they’ve not connected necessarily with him yet, but what if they’re not far? What if he really was with them? Is there anything else you would say to encourage them?

Ben Fuller:
Yeah, I would say keep going. I would say keep going. And honestly, keep calling on his name. Keep asking him. Keep talking to… Keep singing to him. Keep talking him. Be intentional about making space and time to listen, also. I’m loud, obnoxious, running around, I feel like John the Baptist with locusts and wild honey in my beard, and I tend to have a hard time being quiet, but that’s when I hear him the most.
And so I would just say to the mom or the dad or the brother or the sister, the uncle, aunt that’s waiting for someone, A, you’re not God, because I’ve wanted so much for so many of my friends and I can’t control that. But you can pray and you can believe, and yeah, you can just keep doing that. So in Paul’s instance, it was nearly 16 years of praying for me, and here I am. And he even said, he goes, “I thought you were hopeless.” He says… He was like, “I nearly gave up so many times, and now look, look at what happened. And now you’re out touring the world telling people about Jesus.” He’s like, “I never could have dreamed that that’s what…” He said, “I was just praying for your salvation, not that you were going to just run around and…” You know? Anyway. So yeah, I would say don’t give up.

Sandi:
As you look to… You never could have predicted, I’m sure, four years ago, where God would have you now. I just wonder, as you look into the future, are there any hopes that you maybe have that you would see God do through you or doors he might open for you?

Ben Fuller:
It’s funny. CMA just asked us to play CMA Fest, and it’s like…

Sandi:
What?

Ben Fuller:
… “Huh?” I’m like, “God, are you in there?” Yeah, it’s… To get that phone call. And his humor. The stage that we’re playing on is on Broadway right across the street from Tootsies, where that was the first stage that I played in Nashville. And I can’t even tell you that the amount of times I left that place drunk, the amount of times that I left that place wondering what was next for me and not caring about things and just being like, “Well, whatever it is… I’ve made it, I guess. I don’t know what my life is.” And now to get back there with such purpose and such drive and such a fire for Jesus that I can sit on a stage… Literally the stage is going to be right next to Bridgestone Arena pointing at Tootsies, and I’m going to stand on there for 25 minutes and tell them how awesome God is. And that I walked in and out of that purple door drunk time after time after time, but that wasn’t the answer, but I found it.
How cool is God? I mean, seriously. And then CMA asked me to go do it. They’re like, “Oh, we know you’re a Christian, all right, we love you and you’re awesome, and you’ve got that country Christian sound, and so we want you to come do your thing.” And it’s like, “Okay, you sure about that?” [inaudible 00:12:03] revival on Broadway. So we’ll see. Anyway.

Sandi:
Wow.

Nick:
Well, man, clearly God has you right where you need to be. But I have to ask, is there anything you miss from farm life?

Ben Fuller:
Oh, my word. You know what? I… So here’s a little secret. I’ve been helping with load out, and so we’ve got two buses and a tractor trailer truck. And so I loaded out last night in Sebring, Florida, and I’m still recovering from that, honestly. My stonemason days are kind of over. But I just miss physical labor. I really love throwing hay bales. And my dad just sent me a picture of a little calf that was born the other night. And so yeah, I’m just grateful. I miss that part of it, for sure. Someday I’ll have some cows and throw some more hay bales probably.

Sandi:
Well, I know our time’s about it, but how is the relationship with you and your dad now?

Ben Fuller:
The Lord is just healing that. You know the funny thing? I just talked to my dad last week and he said… I was like, “What’s new? What’s going on?” He says, “Well, I’ve been looking at trying to find a cross for the top of our silo, our 80-foot silo, because my son sings about Jesus for a living and I was thinking about putting a cross on the silo.”

Nick:
Man.

Ben Fuller:
And I’m like… I mean, God is restoring my relationship with my father. It’s just brand new. He’s saying, “I love you,” and I just… I could go on for an hour about it, but it’s just… Yeah, I think the fact that I haven’t give up faith in the Lord, that if he could save me, then he could save my dad, he could save my mom, he could save my sister, my whole family. Because my whole family’s been watching me going, “What is happening to our son? What is going on with the music? It’s not country. It’s Jesus.” But God is working on them, so.

Sandi:
That’s beautiful.

Nick:
It’s so cool the way God works too. Because I think about your friend Paul, and he’s praying for you, but look at all the lives that have been impacted through your music, but even on a more personal level, through your family and your dad, things were beyond Paul’s mind when he was praying for you.

Ben Fuller:
One man’s prayer, I know. It really is. Praying is so powerful, really. And the Lord hears every little detail, every little bit. So, yeah.

Sandi:
Ben, good catching up with you. Can’t wait for you to come to St. Louis sometime. And thanks for sharing about your life and what God’s doing in it. I know it’ll be inspiring for our listeners. So, thank you.

Ben Fuller:
What a gift, and I can’t wait for another hug. Praise the Lord.

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